“I was emotionally ready to go,” said Mr. Hutchinson, who has adjusted well to life after work.
His days are full, getting together with former co-workers for lunch and tackling the pile of “when I retire projects” stored in his garage over the years
And he enjoys helping around the barn with the half-dozen horses he and his wife,
Mr. Hutchinson knows he’s lucky to have a lot
But many retirees do not have a plan. And for those who encounter retirement earlier than expected because of a health crisis or downsizing, facing the new reality can be rocky.
Isolation and loneliness can emerge. “All too often the shift to retirement is viewed narrowly as a vocational one, a move from working to not working,” saidEncore.org, a nonprofit group that aims to tap the skills and experience of people in midlife and beyond.
“Yet something much deeper and more fundamental is underway,” he said. “It can be an uncertain, scary time.”
And traversing the emotional realities can be a solitary journey. “All too often, individuals are left to their own devices when it comes to finding a new sense of purpose in a post-retirement period that could be as long as the middle years in duration,” said Mr. Freedman, author of “How to Live Forever: The Enduring Power of Connecting the Generations.” “Many feel like they are all alone in navigating the new terrain, practically and emotionally.”
Add in the underlying awareness for many that there are fewer days ahead than behind, and this emotional shift becomes even more weighted, he added. “Time is more precious. Questions of purpose and legacy are more prominent. That can sound depressing, but for many people it is a powerful source of motivation for making the most of this period.”
The Human Connection
Part of the fear stems from a loss of identity when people no longer work, according to coach. “Often people don’t recognize the role that work has played in their life — the structure it provided, the reason to get up in the morning, self-esteem, community, camaraderie. That’s the emotional piece that catches people unaware,” she said.
Compounding that can be pressure to feel happy. “Some people aren’t prepared that there is some grieving to do, and that’s why they’re feeling sad and depressed when, hey, this is supposed to be the best time of their life,” Ms. Mintzer said.
It took a few years for
“For the first couple of years, I took care of myself. I did a lot of things I couldn’t do when I was working. I traveled and visited friends and family. My mother was ill, and I spent a lot of time taking care of her. Then everyone started dying — my aunt, my brother, my mother. My family was dwindling away,” said Ms. Rhoton, who is single and has no children.
“That’s part of aging, but I felt like there was a vacuum. I was just sitting around watching Netflix all the time, and that’s not real.”
Working with Ms. Mintzer helped her realize that she missed the human connection. So Ms. Rhoton, who lives in
She also started volunteering, initially serving meals at a veterans’ shelter. “That got me out of my funk,” she said. “You’re working with a whole bunch of volunteers on projects so you see these people on an ongoing basis, and you feel like you are a part of something.”
Now she tutors people learning to speak English. “I’m both student and teacher at the same time,” she said. “I learn so much from them about their culture and customs and experiences here in this country.
Adjusting to Change
Retiring is a sequence of shifts over time, as Ms. Rhoton has found. Three substantial changes take place, said Age Wave, a consulting and research company.
“For most of the changes in our lives there is ritual,” he said. “I
The first big change is identity. “Whether we realize it or not, we have our identity linked to our work, and the way we describe ourselves, how we introduce ourselves, and what we might say if we are sitting next to someone on a train. Our identity has been forged and tweaked and shaped by our work life
In addition, relationships change. “When we asked retirees in a study, conducted by
The third shift is activity. “Most of us, until our retirement day, have lived our lives in a structured lifestyle,” he said. “
So often, Mr. Dychtwald said, the focus is on finances. But, he added, “I think it’s really a psychological metamorphosis. During this transitional period, some people still feel unsettled, anxious or bored, but eventually they realize that ‘I can be fresh. I can be new.’”
Three years ago,
What he didn’t expect, he said, was the period of wandering around that followed, as he tried to sort out what he wanted to do. Then Mr. Strong and his wife,
There had been an incident in the city involving the
He decided to get involved. “I wanted to give back in a more hands-on way. I felt in my heart of hearts that I was a teacher. I had even majored in education in college, but had never pursued it.”
InThe Peaceful Guardians Project. The initiative links Kingston City School District middle-school students with the Kingston Police Department to bridge the gap between local youth and law enforcement. Police officers and young people form teams and work on activities that foster understanding, empathy and trust. The goal is to learn to see a situation through other eyes.
“I still don’t know exactly where I’m going, or what it will be like, but I’ve started,” Mr. Strong said. “I have something to say, something to offer, and this is something I can do that will bring me the enthusiasm.”
For now, Mr. Strong has decided that his job is to pay attention and keep asking ‘how can I help?, how can I help make things better?’ “I get up every morning to do something new and make a difference,” he said.
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